So I will be blogging away. I miss Hanna already - seems crazy right? But it's not. It's not crazy when the purest form of happiness I reach is with her. I do not laugh with the same freedom when I am not with her, so yes, the second I walk out of her arms knowing that I won't be in them again for a while is painful and lonely. This weekend was incredible - short as it was. Our love is reaffirmed in my heart endlessly, and these last few days spoke loudly to the constant re-falling in love that I do over and over again. In the beginning of a relationship you fall fast, and hard. The world spins around you and you pray that the one you love is falling along side of you. Sometimes people think it plateaus - that you reach a certain point when you stabilize and you are madly in love but cannot love each other more than you already do. They're wrong. There are points months, years after the honeymoon period of a relationship when two people fall more in love. I arrived in St. Louis feeling like I could not possibly love this woman any more than I did. I leave loving her even more, and I sit on this plane knowing that weeks, months, and years from now I will likely look back on this time and say I love her so much more then.
The beauty of true love is that you are never done discovering and re-discovering each other. We feel like we know each other so well, like we know everything about each other, from that girl that used to be her best friend when she was thirteen to that time a man creepily stared at her eating her ice cream in a Baskin-Robbins - and we do. We do know each other better than anybody else does, and I'm confident in saying that. We know every corner of each other's hearts, dark or light, hidden or not, and there is nothing in there that makes me turn away from her; but, the magic of our love and relationship is constantly finding out new things we didn't know about each other every day. Whether it's stories we've never heard, memories that have shaped who we are, or people that have come and gone in our lives, part of the ever-burning flame that keeps this love alive is that we are never done knowing each other.
There are so many moments: like reflecting on how much our love has grown since the last time I was in St. Louis, realizing that the last time I was here was the first time I met her brother and nieces and now the kids greet me with hugs and her brother and sister-in-law and parents feel more like family than a shared connection to one person; like watching her laugh hysterically at a comedian during Pridefest, and being frozen by the beauty of her smile and the breathtaking sound of her laugh; like waking up to her arms wrapping around me and feeling that still be the first thing she wants to do when she wakes up after all this time; like still sharing and craving the passion and heat that we did one year ago; and like holding each other close, eyes glued and smiling, kissing between "I will miss you's" and "I love you's," magnets between every finger tip and nerve in our bodies, and being so in love that the airport and cars around us disappears during our goodbye. These moments are just some of what it means to be irrevocably in love, and growingly in love still.
My love for you, Hanna, will never stop growing, and never fade. We have a once in a lifetime love that I am so proud of. I am so proud of you and all that you are - I am so in love with you and all that you all. This relationship never feels old, never "the norm," never to be taken for granted, always to be worked for, and always the only thing I could ever want.
I love you then,
I love you now,
I love you always.
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