My Second Family

This weekend was Pride weekend in many states across the U.S., and for me that was St. Louis, Missouri. Since graduating high school I've taken on a "never hide" outlook, and become much more outwardly representative of who I am and the things that I believe in, be it LGBTQ rights, women's rights, racism, classism, health care, etc. I am proud of this person, but with it has come some anxiety of what connections I might lose in the process. Amazing people that love me very much could still hold beliefs that would alienate us from each other, especially when the things I mentioned typically aren't trivial opinions.

I love a lot of people, but there are few that have the power to hurt me deeply or create a lasting, un-fillable hole in me. There are many people who might disagree with who I am and my opinions, but few whose disagreement I would seriously care about; but it occurred to me, one Christmas celebration how there are some people who mean so much to me that a disagreement in who I am would send the biggest parts of me - my identity and the ones I love - in opposition to each other. A slight anxiety built as gifts were traded and stolen and laughter filled the air and I wondered if this experience would be different if they knew; but, my "never hide" outlook surpasses any fear I could have. My mother instilled a strong sense of "be who you are, no matter what," so I didn't hide.

So I post statuses on Facebook and write about those beliefs, and stand strong in those opinions and the people who matter most to me didn't pause for a second before supporting me. They never fail to "like" a status and reassure me that I am just as much family to them as they are to me.

I have a best friend that is the best person I have ever met, and she comes with a family that is driven by love for each other and support. They are amazing, resilient people who only do good, and over the last six years have opened their arms to me. I love every single one of them, and their support means more to me than I can express. This thank you is long overdue, but I am never quite sure how to express the gratitude I feel. The truest mark of their greatness as individuals is that when they read this, they probably will think that they don't need to be thanked for viewing the world the way that all people should. I am so lucky to be blessed by the constant support of you guys, and I love you.

Full Body Scans at Airports, Why I Refused

These full body security scanners have been added to many airports nationally and pose a serious privacy risk for trans-identified individuals. When going through security individuals are selected at random to be scanned by this machine instead of your typical walk-through security booth. A person has the option to refuse, but if they take this option they must commit to a full body pat down by a member of the same sex. Going through these machines pose a risk of being outed, subject to further security measures, and other issues for a trans person. Binders would be visible, packing could be visible, etc. Not only could a trans-person’s identity be revealed, something that for many is an incredibly person and private piece of them, but they could then be asked to reveal what the binder or packing is, why they use it, etc. We can all agree that this is not okay.

I first encountered on in the Colorado airport over winter break. I wanted to refuse but the security long was incredibly long, others were waiting for pat downs for multiple reasons, and I was running late. I went into the body scanner, cringed at the sense of guilt as a member of the LGBTQQIAA community and strong activist, and continued on my way. Today, in the airport, I had plenty of time because I had to drive somebody else here in time for her flight, which was two hours earlier than mine. I wondered if I would have the chance to refuse, and I wondered if in my anti-conflict heart I preferred to not have the opportunity to refuse because they would direct me to the regular scanner; but, they didn’t. The security man directed me towards the full body scanner and I confidently refused. With a slightly confused look on his face he directed me towards another man who stood next to me in a roped in box that I needed to wait in. A TSA woman came over and asked which bags were mine to she could grab them from the belt for me and I moved in her direction so I could clearly point out which bins were mine on the piled up belt, where I was told in a strict and almost-fearful voice not to move by the man standing next to my little box. She grabbed my stuff and then I was escorted over to another area where she explained how she was going to pat me down and asked whether I would like the pat-down to be done in private. I said I was fine with it done in the public box, she did it, and I was on my way.

I wished she, or somebody, would have asked why I refused the full body scanner. Usually people have a reason other than “I think it’s wrong,” which likely explained the confused and suspicious way everybody treated me. While I completely understand the need for strict, harsh, watchful security in an airport, I was annoyed by the fact that my decision turned what is usually a friendly process for a 20-year-old 5’3” girl in to and experience that made me feel like I was suspected of dangerous activity and going to be on slightly close watch for the day. I think that, above all, was why I wished somebody had asked me why I refused, so I could explain to them that I was just like the countless of innocent people trying to get from one place to another. I wasn’t doing anything suspicious, was not trying to get around and security measures, or hide anything - I was trying to make a point that this system isn’t right, and that I will take a stand for it even if it doesn’t apply to me.  Just because something doesn’t affect you and your life every day doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you at all. I am a cisgendered bisexual woman and my body scan would have appeared completely “normal” to their standards, but I am not free until all gender-identities are free.