Cleansing.

Well, it's the end of another year at school, which marks my half-way point at college. A lot has changed in these last few years, let alone this year. I have a more definitive path in terms of what I am looking to do after college, and an internship this summer in that field to help solidify where I want to go career-wise. I have been lucky to have had good jobs in the past with very nice, accommodating bosses, but those jobs never truly related to where I saw myself heading. I am very excited to take a step in my career direction this summer, and gear up for what I am anticipating being a rough junior year in academics. I finished this semester with the strongest grades I have had in my college career thus far, and it felt really great to see that my hard work paid off; that late nights, decisions not to procrastinate, throwing myself in to class discussion, and pushing through when I wanted to say "fuck it, this paper is good enough as is," all led to an outcome to be proud of. Hanna and I are also taking steps forward. A year ago we were just beginning our relationship, hopeful to see where it would lead us. Now, we have been together for a year and are engaged, and as she prepares to graduate this weekend and to step foot into the real world, I prepare to look towards that journey, too. I scheduled classes early in the morning with 1 three-hour lecture at night, and a lab during the day on Mondays, and will have a job during the school year next year. Hanna and I will be sharing some expenses, trying to adopt a dog, and balancing our lives. It's not a typical experience, especially for a college student, and I'm sure some would ask why I set such a rigorous schedule for myself instead of enjoying the college freedom, but I am more excited about taking a partial step into the real world to balance the mature relationship that I am so fortunate to have with Hanna than I would be to spend my days doing nothing. I am excited about getting used to living off of our income and controlling our finances. It's going to be tough - I can't pretend that it won't be - but I believe that we are ready, and capable, as I always have believed. All of this being said, I have reached somewhat of a different mindset as I head into this summer.

With all of the changing, growing, maturing, learning, life, and love that these past few years, but this past year in particular, have brought me, I have also had a change of direction mentally: I need less, and I want to get a little more back to my roots. I want to give more and take less. I want to give more to my body by getting back to a consistent exercise and lifting routine, and take less from it by cutting out some of the ridiculously unhealthy things I eat now (I am a Coca-cola addict, for example). I want to give more to the community and others by donating so much of the old clothing that I held on to from high school because I thought that I'd forever cherish each of my 20+ t-shirts with my school name written across the chest; 20 years from now that would be an awesome thing to still have, to show my kids, but I think one or two will do. I want to take less from the environment, and make a greater effort to live without the convenience of certain things at the expense of the Earth beneath me. There are certain things I can't change about myself, and I'm not looking for a complete deconstruction and rebuilding of who I am, but this progression is part of who I am too. I am in need of a cleansing of mind, body, and soul; a process of letting go of the stress that was this past year, of giving back, of taking only what I need, of working for others to better myself, and spreading love.

So once I get myself settled back in here I am going to do a massive, multi-day cleaning out of my room: closets, desk, drawers, everything. I will have a lot of clothing that I will be giving away to those who needs it, and a lot of old "crap" that I'll be throwing out to make room for new things. I will be cleaning out my computer, unclogging it of all of the random things from this past school year and the things that I meant to delete but never did. It's been one hell of a year that I am so thankful for. I have learned so much, and as Hanna and I both move forward into this next chapter together I am taking the good with me, leaving the bad behind, and making a small shift that hopefully helps me maintain that balance.